BABY!!!
I’m gonna be a dad.
OK, this is weird. Dad isn’t me. Dad is MY dad. Dad’s my father-in-law.
Lemme check that ultrasound again…nope, that’s a baby alright.
I’m gonna be a dad. In about 7 months. Though technically I’m one right now.
Checking again…yep, definitely gonna be a dad.
So now what?
Actually, I don’t really feel any different. It’s not like I’m going through a major physical transistion (sorry honey). My lifestyle hasn’t radically changed at all yet. In fact, it seems like parents in theory mode right now.
Emotionally its a different story.
Excited? Of course. This is the next great leap. There’s so many new things to consider & learn. I have to begin thinking about stuff in the longer term. I have to become *gulp* responsible!
Scared? You bet. We’re talking about a little baby that will one day be a person, and who that person will be is up to me and my wife. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I do something the wrong way? Its these kinds of questions that really give me the jibblies!
Depressed? Not so much. Maybe a tad. But its always that way when you move from one state to another, like leaving home for the first time or getting married: you feel like you’ve given up something important to you to be something different. Ultimately (as was the case of the previous two) the change is for the better, and the benefits hugely outweigh what you lose.
Happy? Yep. Though this is tempered a bit by the preceding excited, scared, and depressed. Also, since the baby is really only the size and weight of a jumbo cocktail shrimp right now, and its not visible except as a mass of gray on thermal paper, its tough to get attached. When the kid starts looking the part on ultrasound, and is kicking, and eventually when he/she is outside, I think the other three feelings will start to be moved aside for this one.
Tired? *yawn* Sure. Nothing to do with the pregnancy though, just chronic insomnia. At least I have a critical skill for late-night parenting!
Stupid? Hella yeah! I don’t know squat about parenting! In these times my lovely bride turns to the written word – her scholarly bent tells her if its in a book, its worthwhile information. I, too, will consult books, but I get the feeling when the rubber meets the road that book learnin’ will completely escape me. I’m less apprehensive about this required improvisation if we have a boy: having been one I think I can suss out an appropriate course. If we have a girl, I’m doomed. Even now I haven’t adequately figured them out yet.
So where does that leave me, a mere 30 or so weeks out from slam-shifting my life into a new gear? All I can do I guess is keep doing what I have been: Supporting my wife, planning for the future, preparing for the next big thing. And pondering this phrase…
I’m gonna be a dad!
